They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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