they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
