I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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