RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
