Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
