I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
