Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
