can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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