He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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