So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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