they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
