So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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