No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
