Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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