The best revenge is premature balding
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
