so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Less talking, more tequila
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
