Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
