Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
