He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My bed smells like the plague
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