I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize