Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
