Soap is not a condiment
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
