woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
MIDGETS
????
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
