why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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