Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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