We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize