she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
