Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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