i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
