are you so shy because you have an std?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
