i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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