go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
