I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
