Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
