I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
