why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
