I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize