oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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