You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize