I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
