She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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