R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
