the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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