You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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