Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
