she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
