I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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