My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
