I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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