I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
