It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
