This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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