Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
