she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
