worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
