I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
