Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
