One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
