Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
