i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
