i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
