dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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