just tell him i said nine months
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
